I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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