So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
