if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
