I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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