Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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