Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
