the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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