Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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