she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
