So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize