If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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