The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
True strength comes from lack of pants
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
