I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
