We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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