it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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