I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
