I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
