Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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