I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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