Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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