got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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