Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
