I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
