So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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