It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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