You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
