I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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