I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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