My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
