Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
