my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
