rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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