Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
