My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Swine flu is the new snow day.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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