life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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