they said they heard you say put it in my butt
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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