OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
