my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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