When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
handjob tips. give me some.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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