She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
