I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
