Quick, to the slutcave!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
