He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
