it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
