TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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