Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
