dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I pour the whiskey from now on
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
