we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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