his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
