don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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