I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
