if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
