I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
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I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
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It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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