Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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