thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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