The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
