be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
