This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
