I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
