they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
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just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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