well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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