How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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