She is in my trunk
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
