u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
